Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
