do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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