You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
