So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
