summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
