the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
