Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize