if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
