You smell like stripper and shame
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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