dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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