Im at strip club and am horny
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
