i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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