she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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