Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
