i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
