We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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