when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
