we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
