it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
