k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
