I just saw a hot homeless man
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
