i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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