When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
