smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
