then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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