Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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