I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
