At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
