mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
