Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
