She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
