So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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