Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize