She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
