I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
