We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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