We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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