There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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