i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
