We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
