I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
