We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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