if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
