I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
