planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
