Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
