I heard we made out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
