matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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