What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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