the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
