this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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