Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
