So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
