someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
