I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
