if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
