you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
