I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
