im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
