I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
