Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
