we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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