I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
