You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The uberlube is also flammable
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
