EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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