i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
