Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
